Part Three: Bones In My Teeth

[sunspot]

Things were better after that. Parker was pretty sure it was better, anyway. She was spending time with Eliot and it wasn't weird. It was like old times. Almost constant laughter and hijinks and easy, comfortable companionship.

It helped that Spain was the most beautiful place Parker had ever seen. She was absolutely going to come back when she had more time to spend, but as it was, she had to settle for filling disposable cameras with photo after photo. Nate kept trying to buy her a digital camera, but she liked it impermanence behind a disposable. She wanted to take the colours and feelings of the city and keep them inside her forever, memories remaining long after the place and the camera were gone.

After the afternoon concert in Barcelona, she tricked Nate into distracting the front desk staff at the hotel while she and Eliot snuck through the fire escape onto the roof to watch the sunset.

Parker stretched out on her back, watching the sky change from pink to orange to red to purple. She couldn't explain why the sunset here was so much more than the sunset back home, or anywhere else she'd seen on. Maybe part of it was because Eliot was nearby -- she could feel the heat of him closer and warmer than that what was coming off of the roof. It was like old times, she thought, sitting in the bed of his pickup truck and watching fireflies by the creek.

She kicked off her leopard print pumps and sighed a sleepy, contented sigh. Parker considered how much trouble she would get in if she fell asleep on the roof, then decided she didn't care and tugged Eliot's leg over to make herself an acceptable pillow.

The door back down into the hotel banged open and Parker sat up quickly, looking around, ready to come up with a good reason why they were on the roof and apologize, but it was only Alec.

"Oh, hey guys," he closed the door behind him and leaned on it. "Didn't realize you were up here."

Alec came to sit near them, shimmying out of the jacket her was wearing and rummaging through a pocket until he found a pack of cigarettes. He held out the pack, offering it to either of them.

"No thanks," Parker said. "I can't hit the high ones if my lungs are full of goo."

Eliot just glared when Alec offered him the pack.

"Right, sorry," Alec said easily, lighting himself a smoke and dropping the pack on his jacket. "Didn't mean to touch a nerve. How did you like the new light cues for Love and Sprinkles today, Parker?"

After way too many technical foul ups, Alec had finally managed to nail down the new routine and the show that afternoon had been the first chance they'd had to see it in action.

"I thought it was good," Eliot said. "The shells are really a nice touch."

"I was talking more about the new lighting pattern. She gets touchy when you talk about the shells."

"No, I get touchy when you stare at the shells," Parker said with a snort. "But I really liked it, Alec. You were right; with the lights like that, the song seems a lot less like a trashy pop song and a lot more feelings-y."

Alec smiled around his cigarette, despite the dirty look he was still getting from Eliot. "Good, glad you like it," he said. "I'll let you know if I come up with any more revolutionary ideas."

They fell into a companionable silence until the last of the colour had faded out of the sky. The wind was picking up just a little, and it was getting cooler up on the roof.

Parker let the breeze wash over her and flick her hair around her face. She could smell the salt from the ocean and the last traces of cigarette smoke and the whole moment had a profoundly peaceful effect on her, made her feel mellow and like her body had melted away and now she was a part of the sky.

"We should go in," Eliot said finally, as the stars started showing up in the night sky.

Parker pressed her shoes into his hands, laughing and following him down the stairs with Alec trailing behind them. Right before they got to the door back into the hotel, he caught her arm and tugged her away from Eliot.

"I was thinking, tomorrow night, after your concert in Madrid..."

"How about tonight?" Parker cut him off. It wasn't something she had planned on, but he was so awkward and shy about propositioning her for sex that she wasn't going to say no if he wouldn't.

Alec paused for a second, then chuckled. "Yeah, okay."

"Okay. I'll be at your room in about fifteen minutes." She took off down the hall after Eliot, feeling a sense of excitement that she normally had for concerts and Christmas.

She gave Eliot an excuse about having to go meet Nate and ducked out. She met Alec at the door to his room and had him out of his pants without any conversation.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said, breaking away from her kisses. "Hey. What's the rush? Slow down, girl."

Parker sat on the edge of the bed and picked at the bedspread. "Okay, fine."

He watched her and she watched him back. It would be a hilarious moment if she wasn't so tense. What was he waiting for? Why was he staring at her? Parker thought back to the loose, peaceful feeling on the roof and tried to cling to it.

"You have no idea what I mean by 'slow down,' do you?"

She shrugged. "Not really."

He chuckled, which Parker thought was both sexy and annoying. "Here," he said, pulling his tee shirt off and tossing it on the floor. "Let me show you."

Alec got close, straddling her lap and pressing her shoulders until she laid back on the bed. He leaned down over her, kissing at her neck and collarbone. She breathed in deeply, liking both the rush of air in her lungs and the smell of him so close to her. He was smoky and soapy and just the right amount of sweat.

"Is this --"

"Shh," he said, laughing against her skin. "No talking, just feel."

Parker thought that was something a deadbeat hippie would say, but she gives him the benefit of the doubt just this once. He had one hand up her skirt, inching towards her panties and she was interested in what he had planned.

What he had planned turned out to be sneaking one finger past her underwear and pressing it inside her with a teasing slowness. Parker tried to wriggle lower, to bring them closer together and get a little more friction, but his weight on top of her held her in place.

Alec laughed again, kissing along her bottom lip while he worked his finger in and out. He curled it against some sweet, electric spot inside her she was only vaguely aware she even had and she jolted against him.

"Oh god," Parker gasped into his shoulder. "Oh god, Alec."

"You can call me that if you want," he said, voice low and smooth, but hitching a little one the end, like he thought he was pretty funny. She honestly didn't think he could be sexier.

It was easier to relax and slow down after that, and to let him coax her towards an orgasm with one finger. It took too long to really be an effective, every day method, Parker thought, but goddamn, you couldn't argue with results.

She finally came with her arms wrapped around his neck and riding out her orgasm against his hand and when she had come down off the high enough to let him go, he flopped down next to her and pulled her close. It was oddly satisfying, having him hold her and press kisses into her hair. She was so comfortable and relaxed and three-quarters asleep that when Alec suggested that she go out with him the next night in Madrid, she agreed.

Parker fell asleep before she could even figure out how she felt about what she'd just agreed to.

--

Nervous and terrible, she decided about nine seconds after waking up and remembering the next morning. Parker snuck out before Alec woke up and took a cool shower to clear her head.

"You okay, little one?" Eliot asked as she towelled off her hair. He hadn't asked about where she'd been all night, maybe sensing it wasn't something she was going to tell him about.

Parker leaned out the open bathroom door just in time to see him bend gracefully into another one of his complicated yoga poses. "Yeah, I'm just.... what the fuck is that?"

"Eight Angle pose," he said. "Also called Astavakransana. You're blocking my light."

She dropped the floor under the window to watch, even though she didn't get how he could tell if his eyes were closed, and continued drying her hair. "I think knowing all those dumb names is the hardest part of yoga," she said.

Parker watched the muscles in his forearms stretching and bulging and thought briefly about what it would taste like if she were to lick at his wrists before banishing that thought from her mind and thinking about Alec's forearms instead. They were nice too, even if she hadn't seen them in the midst of tricky yoga action.

"Maybe. Anyways, enough of that," Eliot said, slowly lowering himself to the floor and uncoiling.

Parker snorted and went back to her hair. "You're funny," she told him. "Can you get me some orange juice while I get dressed?" She got back up and went back into the bathroom without waiting for his reply.

He got her some juice, of course, and it was excellent. The juice was a metaphor, she decided. Something to do with something else and her feelings about the men in her life. It was too early in the morning to figure out meaning behind things, and she had a flight, a concert, and date to get ready for.

Instead of puzzling out her thoughts, she drank the juice.

That, it turned out, was the metaphor thing she was looking for. She needed to drink up the juice she had while it was still cool and delicious and refreshing instead of worrying about what juice she didn't have or what juice she would be missing out on in the future or what juice everyone else was drinking.

Okay, so it wasn't a metaphor that would win any awards, but she was thirsty.

"Eliot, come here."

He leaned on the door frame and met her eyes in the mirror as she put on her lipstick. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted you to know that the juice was good and I liked it a lot. Thanks for helping me see that."

Eliot chuckled and kissed the back of her hand. "I don't even get you," he admitted. "But I'm glad you talk to me anyways."

--

"We're going to blow their minds in Naples," Sophie declared, plunking her sketch book down on Parker's lap on the short haul flight to Madrid.

Naples was the first show of the new theme, even if there were still a lot of arguments going on about what that was going to be. Parker looked at the sketches in the book.

"... What did I say about the leather though?" she said, frowning. "I don't think I'm going to be able to move in... How high are those heels?"

"Five and half inches, barely anything. And I think you need to at least try it on, yeah? You're going to be pleasantly surprised and then I'll be pleasantly surprised at how generous my bonus is at the end of the tour." Sophie was grinning like she'd just invented fire. Which judging by the amount of reds and oranges on the costume design, she might have.

"Okay, fine, but if I die, I'm going to haunt you."

Sophie helped Parker into her mermaid outfit for the last time a few hours later and started gluing pieces of boat into her hair.

"I'm going to miss these hairboats," Parker said, watching Sophie in the mirror.

"I'm not" Sophie said darkly. "So much solvent and glitter. I think that they're going to name a disease after me when they discover my cause of death is my lungs full of glitter."

"I'm going on a date tonight, after the show," Parker blurted out. It felt so weird to say 'date' out loud. She hadn't had a date in years, probably not since she went out with Roger from her technical studies class in sophomore year of college. They'd almost had a nice dinner until they were waiting for the cheque and he put his hand up her skirt under the table.

She didn't really think that Alec would try something like that and she also didn't think she'd stab him with a fork if he tried it, either.

"... Give me more, darling. My brain is making assumptions faster than I can put the questions together."

"Alec asked me out last night and I said yes by accident. So, we're going out after the show. I don't know where, but... I think I'm excited?"

Sophie glanced up from the sail she was smoothing out. "Alec? You're still sleeping with him?"

"A couple times," Parker said. "He's really nice."

"Nice is not something I'd expect you to go for in a man," Sophie said with a smirk.

Zoe, Sophie's assistant, came back at that moment with the emergency can of hairspray Sophie had sent her for. "Are we talking about boys?" she asked with a sigh. "Because I could use a good vent session."

Parker felt a little guilty all of the sudden for hating Zoe so hard that night she had sex with Eliot. It really wasn't Zoe's fault, Parker knew.

"Yeah?" she said. She'd listen and be supportive now to make up for it. "What's up?"

Zoe looked around, as if asserting they were alone. "Well, you know your friend Eliot?"

"We can push him off the plane!" Sophie cut in. "We could even make it look like an accident."

"Ignore her. All the glitter spray and hairboats make her violent. Yeah, he's kind of a douche, right? I'm really sorry, Zoe."

Zoe sighed and pulled a chair up to Parker's knee, flipping open the makeup case on the counter. "I'm sorry, I know he's your friend. But I kind of --"

"Want to throw him into the airplane engines?" Sophie said, a touch of sweetness in her voice. "Close your eyes."

"Kind of feel like an idiot whenever I see him," Zoe finished. "I can't believe I thought he was..."

Parker snorted. "Don't worry. I did too. Trust me. I've been in your shoes exactly." She opened her eyes when Sophie stopped spraying her with hairspray and smiled awkwardly at Zoe. "You'll be okay though. You get past it."

Zoe looked startled. "You and him...?"

"Just a crush," Parker said quickly. There was enough ridiculous gossip out there about her that she wouldn't willingly put more out, especially nothing that would give Eliot's mother a heart attack if she read it. "But he's more than a little magnetic and a total life ruiner."

That made Zoe laugh a little. "You know he called me 'Carrie' yesterday? Like. How hard is it to remember my name? It's not like he has to buy me dinner or anything, but a tiny bit of respect would be great."

Parker patted Zoe's arm. "As long as he doesn't get you confused for his pet dog, I think you're okay."

Zoe winced. "Yikes."

"Yeah."

"Carrie!" Sophie said, smacking her comb against the back of Parker's chair. "That's the flight attendant. The tall, tall one. I knew I recognized that name."

Parker shot Sophie a look. "Really? You had to bring that up?"

"Oh, so is she the one he's seeing now?" Zoe picked up a palette of eye shadow and surveyed it carefully.

There were rumours flying around the tour pretty regularly, but Parker hadn't heard anything about Eliot 'seeing' anyone. "What?"

"Yeah, apparently that's why he's not sleeping with anything that moves. He's got something special on the hook, some regular thing. I guess it's the flight attendant?"

That didn't bother Parker. It didn't. She wasn't bothered. Except that she was. Why wouldn't he tell her? She was right back to feeling too many feelings for him all at once.

She let Zoe get to work on her eye makeup while she pushed her feelings aside, shoved them down, and thought about her date with Alec instead.

--

He wouldn't tell her where they were going, just laughing and held her hand. Parker's stomach did that stupid flip-flopping feeling that she had come to associate with Alec's smile every five seconds when he was touching her, which was weird and made her feeling warm and dizzy. But she didn't pull her hand away.

"That skirt looks nice on you," he said. "But are the sunglasses necessary at twenty to twelve at night?"

"Yes," she said with a shrug. "Sorry. Same reason the armed bodyguard is necessary too."

Alec eyed Quinn closely. "Uh, armed?"

Quinn smiled tightly but didn't offer any explanations.

"Oh. Uh. Okay. Let's go inside then," Alec said after a second, holding open the door and letting Parker go in first. The moment he opened the door, Parker heard the music. It was loud and all around her and instantly got under her skin, making her itch to dance. She could feel a reverberating beat in her chest that was either her the music or her heart or both.

"Dancing?" she asked, shouting a little to be heard over the music. It was a lot like the first time they'd met, except instead of Parker's music, it was Spanish music, flamenco music and sexy, sultry guitars. Alec grinned and nodded and she grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into the club.

They didn't really know any of the moves, but that didn't matter because they moved well together and the music was non-stop. It was hot and crowded, but they had their own little sliver of space on the dance floor and they made the most of it.

It was a whirl of heat and music and movement and Alec so close to her, and Parker's brain tried to keep up. She was exhausted and so happy. She couldn't stop smiling even if she wanted to, but every time her and Alec's eyes met, he would smile too and she realized she didn't want to stop.

She didn't remember getting back to the hotel or changing out of her skirt but Parker woke up the next morning in her tank top and panties, face down in Alec's bed with one of his arms draped over her back.

Parker groaned a little and lifted his arm off her enough that she could roll over. He barely stirred, ever the heavy sleeper. The sunlight was just starting to come through the window and she could see the tops of some pretty green trees from where she was lying. She knew she should get up and head back to her room, get dressed and start the day.

It was another half hour before Alec woke up, and Parker spent that time not doing anything. It was liberating, being able to spend some of her time doing absolutely nothing, when Nate and everyone else usually kept her schedule so tightly regimented. She had time to just feel. Alec's skin, the hotel sheets, the sunlight coming through the window, everything together washed over her and gave her the most powerful feeling. She owned this moment and no one could take it away. It was peaceful and exhilarating at the same time.

"'Morning," Alec said, his voice still heavy with sleep. He started to shift, limbs moving like thick syrup, like it was taking all his concentrated effort just to move. Finally he lifted his arm off of her and flipped onto his back and then his other hand settled against hers, fingers just brushing her wrist.

"Good morning," she said.

"Did you have fun last night?" he asked. His fingers twitched against her skin like he wanted to take her hand.

"Yeah. I did." She thought for a second. "Thanks for taking me."

Alec yawned and stretched before finally sitting up. "It was my pleasure. But we should get up and get moving before we end up late. Going to Italy today and we have a lot of set up to do."

She nodded and rolled out of bed, landing lightly on the tile floor. "It's going to be a lot of fun with the new theme though."

"Always something new, hmm? What exactly is the theme, this time? I got to memo about keeping the same cues, but switching to all the red lights ever."

Parker thought about the red leather thing Sophie was claiming was her outfit. It was like a cat suit that had gotten caught in a wood chipper/rhinestone application machine. "We're going with fire this time."

Alec nodded appreciatively. "I'll see what I can do about adding some explosions. I'll miss those little shells though."

She laughed and threw one of the pillows from the bed at him. "You mean you'll miss the hairboat."

--

The fiery-leather-suit-with-rhinestones and the red orange lights actually came together really well that night in Naples. With Alec providing some small scale explosions and sparks shooting and whatnot, it took on a sort of expensive brothel in a fireworks factory vibe that the crowd seemed really impressed with. Parker liked it too and as much as she wanted to hate the outfit, it was pretty easy to move in.

She needed Sophie's help to peel herself out of it after the show, but that was pretty much the worst thing about it.

"You looked fabulous up there," Sophie said. "Really. And I don't just mean the outfit your amazing stylist designed for you. You seemed so fresh and bright."

Sophie was checking all the rhinestones on the top half of the outfit, making sure nothing was loose while Parker stood behind a screen and started sorting through her oversized purse for her street clothes. Sometimes Parker finished a show and had to get dressed into another outrageous outfit to sign autographs or head to an event, but tonight she'd convinced Nate that jeans and a tee shirt would suffice for her stage door exit.

"Thanks, Soph. Can I have a bottle of water?"

Sophie handed one around the edge of the screen and Parker drank half the bottle before pausing for a breath. She used the rest to rinse sweat off her stickiest parts. It was the best she could before she got back to her hotel room for the night.

"Parker, you were amazing tonight," she heard Eliot as he entered the dressing room. Parker heard the distant screaming of fans before the door closed behind him.

"Thanks, bud," she said, reaching for her bra.

"Seriously, Sophie, you outdid yourself on that outfit. And as much as I know you loved that boat thing in your hair, but the feathers are just as cool."

"And with about the same amount of glitter," Sophie sighed.

Parker shrugged into her favourite shirt and a pair of shorts and slipped around the screen.

"Hi," Eliot said, leaning in and kissing her cheek.

"Hi." She patted his arm. "Like the show tonight?"

He picked a stray piece of feather from her hair. "I did. Water Of The Moon was amazing tonight. I didn't realize I loved that song so much until tonight. It's less..." he trailed off, toying with the feather in his hand.

"You can say it, El," she said with a laugh. "Trashy? Shallow?"

Eliot shrugged. "I like that song is all," he said again. "Let's go for a walk, hmm, pretty lady?"

Parker signed thirty or forty autographs and posed for a few pictures with her outrageous smile and peace sign before they could really leave.

"So, talk to me," Eliot said once they were out on the busy city street and walking against the flow of traffic.

"Talk to you?"

"Something's up, I know it is. Is this about the song you've been working on?"

Parker shook her head. "No, the song is awesome. I'm just nailing down the end, I think, and then it's done. I'll play it for you later."

They walked for a while and Eliot snagged a flower out of a planter they walked by and tucked it behind her ear. He stuck a hand in the back pocket of her shorts and she laughed and let her head rest against his arm. It was so easy to be around him, so comfortable.

Parker couldn't put a name to what she was feeling at that moment, something akin to the flip-flop feeling Alec's smile gave her. This was more of an all-body shudder, but pleasantly so.

She was angry suddenly, and confused about the feelings. She was supposed to be getting over Eliot, not falling for him all over again, and Alec was supposed to be stress relief and nothing more. Parker was at a pivotal point in her career, as Nate was always willing to point out, and she didn't have time to get caught up in drama. She wanted to be over and done with it, to rise above it.

"Let's go back. I'm tired."

Eliot gave her a long look before they turned around and headed back towards the hotel.

They traipsed through the lobby and just before the bank of elevators, Parker saw Carrie, the flight attendant, and she remembered what Zoe had said.

The elevator doors opened with a ding and the moment the doors closed behind them, Parker turned to Eliot. "I'm sleeping with someone," she told him.

Three floors later, he said, "yeah?"

"Yeah. So, if I've been acting weird, that's probably why." She didn't know what kind of reaction she expected, but she wanted something. She wanted him to get mad, or threaten to find the guy and punch him, or cry. He just stared straight ahead at the little square numbers lighting up as they passed each floor.

"Glad you're happy," he said finally, as the doors slid open on the ninth floor.

"Yeah," she said.

They didn't say anything while they got ready for bed and Eliot didn't say anything the next morning or when he accompanied her to a short tv segment she was doing for the local news channel.

"Are you excited for the show tomorrow?" Sophie asked on the cab ride back. She was in the backseat with parker and Eliot was staring straight ahead out the front window. Parker was staring holes into the back of his head, but he wasn't turning around.

"Yeah," she said. "Rome."

Sophie looked between Parker and the back of Eliot's head. "Rome is lovely, especially this time of year," Sophie said carefully. "Beautiful, really."

"Awesome, I'll have to take a bunch of pictures."

Sophie pulled out her phone and tapped a few buttons before she turned back to Parker and smiled. Parker started to ask, but then her own cell phone went off.

'Something up with you guys?'

'No, he's just moody,' Parker texted back.

Sophie bit back a laugh and gave Parker a funny look, but she didn't press it.

--

Rome was absolutely beautiful, Parker decided later, but in a really different way than the way in which Spain was beautiful. When she looked around the city here, she saw constant reminders of people and human history.

What she wanted was twenty minutes alone without anyone bothering her or talking to her or asking her questions or doing yoga in her goddamn room. She knew she was going to get to a point in the tour where she wanted to light everyone on fire and then run away, but she couldn't.

There were still weeks left on the tour. Eleven more countries and she couldn't remember how many shows. She'd ask Nate next time she saw him.

Sophie and Zoe had woven flowers into Parker's hair for this show in addition to the glitter and the feathers and it was still lighter than the boat. She waited just behind the back curtain at the arena in Rome and listened to the opening act. They were good and loud. Parker liked loud.

Sophie was standing with Nate and they both caught her eye from the other side of the stage and smiled. Sophie gave her a thumbs up.

Parker nodded back with a grudging smile. A show would clear her head, get her out of her funk.

She took the stage in a shower of sparks and a wave of screaming. It felt so good. She slid right into the first song, fitting herself right against the music.

The first three songs passed in the blink of an eye and it seemed like the crowd was getting rowdier. Parker liked that and tried to egg them on. She launched into one of her more popular songs from her second album, Bones In My Teeth, and the crowd went nuts.

She was high kicking and singing her heart out when she caught sight of Eliot standing just offstage, watching her intently with the faintest smile on his face. It was the first time he'd even so much as looked at her since she told him about her sexy extra-curriculars.

Parker froze in the middle of the stage, staring back at Eliot. It took a few seconds before her brain even clicked on and she realized the second verse was about to start and she didn't know the words.

Eliot looked a little startled all of the sudden, so she knew she look panicked. He made shooing hands, telling her to go on. She let her hands fall at her sides, her mind racing over everything it could think of, and finally settling on nothing at all.

The band kept playing, probably because they didn't know what else they were supposed to do, and Parker could feel tears welling up behind her eyes. This had never happened to her before and she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

She scanned the wings, looking for Nate. When everything went wrong at work, Nate was the one she wanted in her corner. He had his radio out, shouting at whoever he was talking to and pointing threateningly at a scurrying stagehand. Nate gave her a thumbs up when she looked over, which was better than him flipping her off, but still didn't help her get back on track. He looked concerned, but only mildly so. Nate could spin anything, overcome any problem. If he wasn't freaking, she had to try not to either.

Her tears were threatening to spill over and Parker was sure the crowd was about to eat her alive.

"Whoa, mama, keep breathing."

Parker had forgotten about the earpiece she was wearing. Nate must have been freaking at someone to get him one so he could talk to her, but the voice in her ear wasn't Nate.

"Hey, hey, focus, you can do this," Alec said. She had no idea where he was in relation to where she was, but obviously he could see her and how hard she was crashing and burning.

"Follow the lights, you know this routine down cold. Get over to your mark and it's almost time for the cute little butt wiggle thing you do. Forget the second verse, it's gone, we're into the bridge now. Get ready for the last chorus and rock it."

Parker started moving towards the spotlight down stage right, trying to breathe and focus and feel the music like she normally did. Eliot and Sophie were standing together, Sophie with one hand clasped to Eliot's shoulder, both looking nervous but both trying to give her encouraging smiles when she glanced over.

"You got this, girl. You got this."

And lo and behold, she did have it. The cymbals crashed at the end of the bridge and she squeezed her eyes shut tight and then she was singing. It was such a relief just to be doing something again that she barely noticed when the song ended.

Alec's voice came over the sound system, claiming technical difficulty and could everyone please hang on for ten minutes while they sorted it out, both in English and very stuttering Italian. Parker all but ran offstage and buried her face in Sophie's neck.

"It's okay," Sophie soothed, rubbing circles on Parker's shoulder. "It's okay, love, you got through it."

"Kill me," Parker said, voice muffled. "Just... augh."

"Hey, you got it back just fine," Eliot was saying. "I doubt a lot of people even noticed." He pulled her off Sophie and pressed a bottle of water into her hands.

Parker snorted. "Heinous lies," she said, but she felt a little better for him having said it. The water helped her shake off the nerves.

She finished the show without another hitch, ascending up into the rafters after her last encore on the back of a red and yellow mechanical rocket ostrich. Alec met her at the top of the stairs with open arms. She let him hug her and she thanked him in a whisper about a hundred thousand times.

"It's okay, it was nothing. That was all you," he said with that smile that gave her molten butterflies.

Sophie asked her to come out for a drink , but Parker just wanted to go get some sleep. Losing her shit on stage had been mortifying and she knew Nate had been talking to the press and stomping out rumours about drugs and the like. She knew the next morning was going to be a tough one, so she headed back to her hotel room and pulled the sheet over her head.

Eliot came in a minutes behind her. "Parker?" He didn't turn on the light, just slipped into the room and sat on the edge of her bed. "Come on out here and talk to me for a minute, little one."

Parker threw back the sheet. "Yeah? Come to mock me or to throw me to the jackals?" She meant the press, but once she said it, she was kind of hoping for real, live jackals.

"Do they even have jackals in Italy?"

"I don't know, ask Nate in the morning. It's probably in one of his stupid folders." She was being overly melodramatic and she didn't care.

Eliot lay down next to her, getting right in close and pulling her head into the crook of his arm. He didn't say anything, which was nice. He just let her rub her face against his neck like a cat and sigh.

"What happened?" he asked finally. Parker had thought he was sleeping, but apparently he had just been waiting for her guard to be down. Fucking story of their entire relationship, right there.

"You," she mumbled. If her life was going to crash and burn around her, she might as well have it happen all in one night.

"What?"

Parker looked up at him, seeing his concern despite the shadows. "I told you about sleeping with -- about how I'm sleeping with someone and you seemed so... Angry. Upset. Whatever. You haven't said more than three words to me since then, and then I was singing and I looked over and you were smiling at me and you looked okay. And I thought, oh, maybe he's not so mad and we can be friends again and then I wasn't sure about anything anymore because god, Eliot, I'm so fucking in love with you and now you're probably grossed out and hate me and think I'm crazy and..."

It was a few long moments of silence and once again, Parker hoped against hoped that he had fallen asleep.

"You are crazy," he said softly.

Parker felt the stinging behind her eyes for the second time that night. She knew she should be feeling something, but she was so done with feeling. She was just empty inside now. Empty and a little cold.

"God," Eliot breathed. He fumbled with the lamp beside the bed and the light made Parker's eyes sting when it came on. At least she could blame her watery eyes on that now.

"Parker, look --" he started.

"You don't have to say anything," she said, still fighting like hell to keep her voice even. "It's fine. If you want to leave, that's okay too. I'll get Nate to get you a ticket wherever you want."

"Oh my god," Eliot said. He raised his head a little so he could let it drop back against the wooden headboard. "No, Parker, I'm not going anywhere."

He sat up and pulled her along with him until she was half in his lap and half still sprawled on the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable way to have a conversation but there was about one hundred percent weird, upside eye contact, which must have been what he was going for, because then he ran his fingers through her hair and sighed.

"Okay, listen. Yeah, I was a little upset, but not because you're seeing someone. I was just a little shocked you hadn't told me. Time was, we used to tell each other everything, remember?"

"Jane Delaney at the junior prom," Parker said, rolling her eyes. She thought maybe she was smiling in spite of her currently lack of feelings.

He chuckled. "Damn right. I guess I was just... I don't know. I feel like..." he trailed off. Parker was sure he was putting a curse on her in his mind for making him share so many feelings all at once. "I feel like I'm losing you, little one. That's why I came out here, I think. I liked work at the bar, and I love the town, but without you it was all so..."

"Boring?"

"Empty. Empty and cold."

Parker stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what about what he was saying was the punch line, because it was obviously a joke.

"I miss you so much when you're gone, you know," Eliot said, all mournful eyes like a baby deer without a mom. "And I love you. Of course I love you. Do you know anyone around here who doesn't? Fuck. Parker, you're so many things, all the time. The most complicated, difficult, weird ass person I've ever known and there's nothing you can do or say that is going to make me go."

They were quiet for a long time. Parker didn't know how long they stay like that, all weirdly angled on the bed. Long enough for her back to cramp up a little.

"I can't feel my toes," she said.

"I bet if you did more yoga, you could," Eliot said with a little smile.

Parker glared up at him, wiggling her toes and grimacing at the pins and needles feeling. "Still not doing it."

Eliot took his hands from her hair and let her sit up, watching casually as she rubbed the cramp away. She was still unsure about what she was meant to be feeling (besides the pins and needles). He wasn't mad and he wasn't leaving, but she still didn't know where they stood. Parker was about to ask him where they were supposed to go from here, considering her giant outpouring of feelings, but he sighed dramatically and started talking again.

"I'm going through some stuff, I think. I mean, I am. It's stupid and it's my own fault, but I need to deal with that before we do anything else," he said. Eliot looked so serious and introspective that Parker couldn't hold back her smile. She was used to him shaking his head and smiling sadly at her, like she just didn't get it. It was nice to feel like she was being taken seriously.

Nice. That was a feeling that wasn't empty. Parker let her hand brush up against Eliot's leg and the little electric tingle she felt was another feeling she held on to.

"All those months when you were gone were just stupid," Eliot said. He'd noticed her hand, she knew and he knew it, but he didn't move away. "Hearing your voice on the phone was literally one of the only times I actually smiled. I'm more happy following you across the world and carrying your shoes and sleeping on hotel couches than I ever was without you. And fuck, listen to me pouring out my feelings."

Parker smirked because now he knew how it felt.

"If all that stuff isn't love, I don't know what is."

She kept smirking for a few seconds while her brain caught up with his mouth. "Wait, what?"

Eliot sighed heavily. "I want to give this a shot."

"Give... Me? You want to give me a shot? As in, a relationship?"

"Yeah," he said. He was clearly a second behind too, because then he heard her tone and his eyes widen ever so slightly. "I mean, I want to. A relationship. I want that."

Parker wanted to be mad at him, but he slid his hand up against hers and everything felt so right. She wanted to cry all over again, or maybe run around outside barefoot, or pet a unicorn, or something equally expressive. "Okay," she said.

"I probably won't be any good at it," he said, giving her a jagged little smile. "Just ask Jane Delaney. But I want to try."

"You just have to carry my shoes and be my arm candy at parties and red carpets and stuff," she told him. He laughed at that and a lot of the tension faded from the room. He wrapped his arm around her and she fell into him.

When Eliot kissed her, Parker felt like she was falling up. It was the sweetest, simplest kiss, nothing dirty or groping about it, just one of his hands resting lightly on her waist and his lips on hers, dry and tentative, and it still set here completely on fire.

And when he pulled back at her and looked questioningly for confirmation that it had been welcome and okay, at that moment when Parker should have been jumping into his arms and tackling him to bed, she thought of Alec.

"Oh, shit."

"I... What? It wasn't good? I thought it was okay, but that's fine, we can work on it. Practice makes perfect," he said with an obvious forced nonchalance. Even in the midst of her own panic, Parker found his adorable.

"It was good," she reassured him. "Why are you even worried? I thought you were a real ladies' man or whatever."

"... Goddamn it," Eliot said.

"We're thinking the same thing, aren't we?" Parker said, sighing and rolling back on the bed.

"Maybe. Are you thinking you have to get rid of your other... person?" Eliot run his fingers through her hair again, pulling it off her forehead.

She nodded.

"Okay," Eliot said. "So we'll do that and then..."

"Yeah," Parker said with a smile. It wasn't everything she possibly could have imagined, but now that she heard it out loud, it was certainly enough. "And then."

Part Four